Into 2022

December 31, 2021

Another year is upon us, just hours away, and I look forward to what it has to bring. I imagine, like prior years, there will be celebrations, disappointments, even tragedies. What I learned in 2021 is that when I go deep enough, there is joy below sadness, not the other way around.

This year, I learned to befriend my emotions. I learned to be vulnerable, especially when it was hard. I learned that armor builds up when strong emotions are left unattended, and that they become quite heavy to carry around, especially at heart center. I learned that when my therapist asked a question, and I got a lump in my throat, not to blow past that feeling. I learned that when I closed my eyes and sat in uncomfortable stillness, my tears awaited.

I learned to hold my anger tenderly and lovingly in my arms. I learned to tell her that there will be times that I welcome her passion in a less reactive and more gentle way, and that she need not have long and lingering visits, because God has my back.

I learned to find my voice in sharing my truth with strangers who became my friends. I learned that I am capable of holding joy, excitement, love and happiness, and also fear, resentment, agitation, and sadness. I learned that it is ok to hold sadness and joy in close proximity. I learned that when I choose to tend to strong emotions, they no longer get buried. I learned that it takes time to heal, and begins when fear gets out of the driver’s seat.

I learned that neither new nor old hurt can heal when they don’t come up for air. I learned to replace negative self-talk with God. I learned that I am a work in progress, even when I stumble over the same challenges. I learned that “enough-ness” is a word that I love. I learned that SoulWork is God’s work. I learned that the path of my journey is enough, which means letting go of trying to be on someone else’s.

I pray that I remember that what I’ve learned, I’m actually still learning. And if I forget, that’s ok too, because it will all work out the way that it will. I will take breath-by-breath, step-by-step into 2022. My steps are not fast because I want to escape 2021, they are not slow because I fear 2022, they simply are — because I am present.